Ah, I see you don’t optimise enough.

It should be…

Past you “I’ve shed so many lines and boosted processing time. It’s a masterpiece. I should document this for future me because it’s complex as hell.”

Future you “What. The. Hell…” five minutes later “Oh, I see. I’m a fucking narcissist trying to be god of something 10 people run once a week.”

I had a WFM role that involved me listening in on recordings and live calls to techs for a few years… Hell of an insight.

My end user reports are as efficiently descriptive as possible. Every time I have to submit something or contact, I aim to have their experience as pleasant as possible. I aim to be a 5-10 min break for them and am more than happy to talk shit with them as long as they want to delay their next interaction with Kevin or Karen.

I send my wife code she has nfi idea about but knows I’m proud so she pretends to be impressed.

I win her heart over by making life much easier through technology and handling all that shit. When she can grab a PS4 controller, hit start, and sit on the couch, she knows not all ladies get their TV and sound system on, all inputs adjusted, game mode set, and Nintendo Switch home screen come up ready to launch Zelda.

“Babe, I could IFTTT the lights to drop to a gaming atmosphere and have your phone go into DND mode if you want. Just let me know.”

SPLOOOOOOSH

I spent 45 mins with ChatGPT trying to give me the quick resolve for something querying with M.

It ended with me telling ChatGPT that if it worked for me, it would be fired because it kept trying to reoptimise my query, resulting in syntax and load errors, then “fixing” them by ignoring my query’s criteria.

I ended up going old school and taking an extra 30 mins to just figure it out myself. Now that I know how it’s done, it’s surprisingly easy to understand.

So I took that as a compliment; or ChatGPT just sucks at PowerQuery.

It probably learned, though. If anyone has transform queries around multi-level filtering criteria and ChatGPT helps, that’s because of my suffering.

Hey, that’s me! I query my workforce data from the HRIS with M and SQL. In HR land, that makes me a super senior data scientist compared to VLOOKUP guy who hasn’t even heard of XLOOKUP or even INDEX/MATCH, that asshole.